First: The [head] Case of an Anxious Crazy Person.
So 2 nights ago I dreamt of my soon to be wedding. Everything was dark. Dark clouds, dark rain, dark ground... it was POURING. And not just raining, but- call Noah to make an Ark- POURING. I remembered feeling saddened but pushed on to the wedding. The next thing I remember is everything being RUSHED and not having ANYTHING done. And those who know me know that the thing I hate most is to be rushed or the feeling of being rushed! The decorations weren't done. I didn't know what I wanted to say in my vows. I didn't even have time to do my make up or hair right. And of all things, I was also worried that my dad forgot to allow alcohol to be provided. It was as if I were being made to get married tomorrow. It was a disaster. And then I woke up.Now, I have to say first of all, I am not one to interpret dreams. INfact, I think it's one of the most silly things in the world. Because to me, you dream of things that are pretty obvious... things that you are worried about, things that you see or things that occur in your life. This is one of the very few things in my life I over analyze. And I don't know what this says about me, but I tend to have mostly (like, 99%) bad dreams. And I have come to terms with the fact that I am a very worrisome and anxious person. However, with the dream that I just described, the action of having the dream has made me become a more anxious person about my wedding. No, this isn't me having cold feet. I am kinda really very sick of people asking me if this is really what I want or if I am having second thoughts... bc no, ppl I'm not. I wouldn't be nearly as stressed out if I didn't want to get married. Bc I wouldn't care. But I care. A lot. I want this to be perfect. I never thought or wanted this day to come and it is. And now I want it to exceed the (day)dreams I have concocted within the last year. Yes, I realize bridezilla has come into effect.
Second: Ladies: Don't Have a "Type" and If You Do, Get Rid of It
Now, I am one of the first people to admit I don't know everything about relationships. But I am learning. And this is a very interesting process for me... I studied it in school, did my senior seminar on it, and had plans on being a relationship counselor. Well, with my own misunderstandings in relationships have led me to decide to take another course. However, relationships still fascinate me and I love analyzing why and how.
With that said, I had a conversation with a girlfriend a while ago, "Strawberry". We both have found our person who we want to be with for the rest of our lives. Strawberry and I reflected back on our lives and realized the relationships we left behind were extremely different than the ones we are in now.
I used to think: find what you want in a mate. Pick and choose which traits you want the most and go for that.
Now I know: go out and be with the person who is all wrong for you. the person who likes what you hate. the person who everyone would be shocked to see you with. the person who reminds you nothing of the person you were previously with. the person who reminds you of yourself. the person who reminds you nothing of yourself.
I look back and can clearly see major differences between those I've dated. And now that I have found the one I want, I can clearly see why they are all my past.I recently had a conversation with another friend of mine, Banana. Another very savvy friend who has been smart in their dating habits for the spectrum of her types. We discussed the kind of person who ONLY seeks to date one type of guy. The one type I see often is the asshole. Now, I am pretty extreme in my views on the typical guy and can say that almost every guy has their asshole moment- just as any girl has her bitch moment. But these guys are the epitome of the word. They act tough, talk tough, walk tough, and actually believe they are God's gift. Anyway, we're talking ab the girl, not the guy. This girl loves to be treated badly. Ok, so that was a stretch. They like the arrogant, standardly "attractive" obonoxious guy. It doesn't really matter if they are stupid or smart, or anything else for that matter. It's frustrating mostly for me as a friend of this type of girl. Because you know what? She is amazing. She's beautiful, smart (for the most part), funny, enjoyable to be around, and deserving of someone who is at least half as amazing as she is. I hope if you are one of those girls, you realize this and expand your "type" of guy.Okay, it is the end of the day and I have written enough. I'll get to the 3rd topic I wanted to share next time. Until then...
HIGHS: having inspiration (aka friends) for blog topics. "window shopping." getting excited for the weekend. american idol tonight.
LOWS: no greys this week. not enough money for all the things i want in life! having to remember every single job, home, friend, experience in my life for the past 7 years to get security clearance. ugh! who remembers these things??
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