As We Walk in Fields of Gold

I have not written a "regular" blog in a while. I'm not sure whether it's due to laziness or incompetence. I find that it is very difficult to put my thoughts into writing for some reason. It couldn't be writer's block bc it is a blog. Anything goes. Yet, I can't illustrate how I feel the way I want it to sound. I haven't always been good at transitioning from one topic to another. I'm not a great writer by any means. I can spell for the most part, but writing is another issue. Not much is going on right now. This summer and fall have a lot in store for me. I bought my ticket to Portland for Christianne's Bach party in July... and it costed me all of $300! I'm stoked to celebrate the last single days of my best friend's life. It's really crazy that we are getting married within a month of each other. Hectic, yes - but it makes it kinda special. We both know what we're going through and have each other to bitch to. Portland is going to be amazing for so many reasons. I will have a couple days by myself to explore the area while Ashley is at school. I am planning on making a list of things to do while in Portland. If you have any suggestions please share.I also have mine and Chris's tickets for the actual wedding in Denver, which I am obviously extremely excited for.

(Here I go with the switching of topics) I have been really down for the past... well, I don't even know how far it goes back. I attribute a lot of it to being female and moody. But I feel I have failed my dreams. I know, I am only 24 and 11 months old. I've told this tale many times. The one of my dreams growing up was to be a highly successful business woman and not get married or fall in love or yadda yadda. Well I would not give up Chris for anything in the world. Except, with the SEVERALLL jobs I've held since I graduated over 3 years ago, I have not even come close to a career or dream job. As my friend Bananas told me, you can't have it all. But I want it all. I have the relationship that most girls dream of. I am very tired of being judged. I had a friend ask me if I will regret being married. Hellll no. The regrets most people have are only those things they didn't do. I put my faith into Chris and have handed him my heart to take care of. It's not something I will ever be able to take back nor would I want it back. Just bc I battle with my insecurities and have a desire to withhold a career that I cannot obtain currently does not mean that I don't want to get married. It really got to me when she said that. I thought, OMG, I don't want people to think that, ever. ANYWAY, to get back to where I was going (see, I'm doing it again), despite my unhappiness of finding the right career path, I have been SO lucky to have had the jobs I have. Every boss I had has been an amazing addition to my life. My first bosses in the mortgage business are still my friends today. Although I had bumps, they had faith in me and helped me learn a business I knew nothing about. My last boss gave me great opportunities and was even there for our engagement. I think of her more as an older sister (not that much older, no worries, haha) than I do an old boss. My current boss... well, is quite annoying and obnoxious at times. But has a really great heart. He's always so helpful and even watched our hellions of dogs for us for a weekend. He is very encouraging and always telling me that I am doing good (even though I think what I do is easy as cake). And to follow up on the beginning topic of this blog, he bought Chris and I's tickets to Denver. I was looking up ticket prices online and he told me that he had 400,000 sky miles!! He is a single guy who really doesn't have anywhere he wants to go anytime soon and needs to use those miles. For both CHris and I, it costed him 60k miles. But STILLL, that has saved us $500. And we need that money. Especially since we have our wedding this year AND I am getting a tooth implant for $3k. Which would have been more expensive had I not known another very kind soul. Dr. Thom, whom I just met a few months ago has been so genergous to give me a great discount on my oral surgery. It saved me a ton of money and was something that I could not avoid. It touches me more than I can explain to have these people in my life. I hope that one day I can return the warmth.What I've learned: Times are tough. But there are amazing people out there that have helped me get by. Thank you, mentors.

HIGHS: having amazing beautiful ppl with big hearts in my life! learning to sail this summer. getting semi perm eyelashes! pooltime tomorrow.
LOWS: falling back on working out. what seems to be worst allergies EVER. being stuck inside with spiders lurking in dark spaces.