Tattoo #1: Senior Trip to Hawaii 2002. I suppose there is not any other significance to this tattoo... however, this significance is HUGE! I had the time of my LIFE going on this 3 week trip with my best friends in high school that I will never forget. I got a small tattoo of a yellow Plumeria flower (my fave flower) with waves around it on my hip. I got it so that you couldn't see it while wearing a bathing suit bc I did not want my parents to find out about it... but now that I'm older and I want to show it off, I really can't bc it's not in a place that can easily be done. No regrets. Ever.
Tattoo #2: Everyone makes fun of the bulls eye tattoo. It is so cliche and not as popular these days. However, I have been wanting one at the small of my back for SO LONG that I had to not listen to what others thought and go with it. I had the artist draw up half a sun and half a snowflake to exemplify my love for summertime and wintertime. I love trying new things and with Chris, I bought my first snowboard, and tried wakeboarding for the first time. So we went and got tattooed. It also has embossed (my fave part of it) my initials secretly around the center. I LOVE snowflakes and i love the sun... I like how it is often seen the half sun/half moon... but I changed that up a little. Instead of night and day- winter and summer! I actually need to get it finished up with some more white, but have been lazy and mostly, it hurt and I am trying to delay the pain as long as possible!
Soon to be:
Tattoo #3: THis is something that will be difficult to explain and describe. I am looking for a verse of a song/poem/hymn/quote. I need some ideas! I will write down the ideas I have for now:
-Amazing Grace: "And grace will lead me home"
-okay, so I dont have anymore ideas.. .but they are coming along!!
Tattoo #4: I really would like a tattoo on my wrist. I want to get a word in Korean done. You often see ppl with tattoos of Chinese or Japanese writing... and have no ties with those countries or cultures... which is fine I suppose... but this will obviously be something of significance to me. I'm SO EXCITED ab this tattoo. If we go to Hawaii for our honeymoon, I will get it there then... perhaps if I can even find the place I got tattooed my very first time!! :))
Friday, May 22, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Heartbreaking Songs
Lyrics and music have to be one of the top 3 most beautiful perks of life.... I'm not quite sure what the other 2 are, but I'll get to those at another time.
A song touches me more than words can describe (oh, irony)... it can bring me to tears, it can lift me when nothing else can, it can make me want to run as hard and as far as I can, and it can put me into complete relaxation mode. What is there not to love about music?
I have been reading Entertainment Weekly's blog on the "Most Heartbreaking Songs." Here are some of my faves and a little explaination as to why (in random order)... note, that everyone has their own song meanings. It's funny to me that you can think a song is about the love of your life, and the artist is really writing about their pet fish. This is why I love music and all of its interpretations. I will end each song with one of my fave lines in the song.
1. "Brick" by Ben Folds Five
-which I read somewhere being about a girlfriend who has an abortion. Thank God that this song is not something that I can relate to. It's really sad bc the song writer is trying so hard to understand his girl who is going through her own depression and battle of losing a part of her. "Cant you see Its not me youre dying for."
2. "Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Rait
- this is not only an obvious but a very popular 'heartbreak' song. A song about being with someone who does not love you. "You cant make your heart feel something it wont."
3. "Warning Sign" by Coldplay
-realizing you left someone who you want back. "she was an island and I passed you by,You were an island to discover."
4. "I Can't Tell You Why" by the Eagles
-I suppose this can either be about a couple who have seemed to come to a point in their relationship where they can't get along... or the fact that their relationship is tearing apart and for some reason unknown they cannot just walk away from each other. This song gets to me bc sometimes you fight with the one you love and you don't know why you make things harder. "Look at us baby, up all night Tearing our love apart."
Okay, so apparently The Fray knows all ab the definition of heartbreak. I have a few faves of theirs.
5. "Vienna" by The Fray
-The melody is just so breathtaking. It truly makes you feel the way the writer's emotions. There aren't many words to the lyrics but you get the point. "There's really no way to reach me"
6. "Litte House" by The Fray
-This song brings tears to my eyes every time. It's haunting lyrics describe what it's like to feel the darkness and be alone. One of the most scary things to feel in life and it hits home to the fact that it was a place I once was at in my life. I'm a different person today. "Something is scratching it's way out; Something you want to forget about."
7. "Unsaid" by The Fray
-Ultimate mutual break up song! "And we are leaving some things unsaid; And we are breathing deeper instead."
8. "Oceans Away" by The Fray
-clearly they have many AMAZING songs... this is the last one I will quote: "Honestly I thought that we could make it all the way, Barefoot on beaches dancing against the gray. But stone by stone the castle crumbled to the ground, I stood and stared as you started to fall into the waves. " Beautiful.
9. "The Best I've Ever Had" by Gary Allen
-Gawd I about want to bawl everytime I hear this song. This song was for his wife who committed suicide. Just knowing that and knowing the lyrics makes me cry for him. "And I might find in time that you were always right."
10. "Until I Fall Away" by Gin Blossoms
-There are many interpretations I've gotten from this song... To me, this person is trying to find themselves. They "forgot" that they were lost and when they were once again reminded of the fact, they are telling the one they love to put their love on hold until some revelation occurs... whether they figure it out or simply fall away.. "I don't know all the answers I think that I'll findOr have it within the time ."
11. "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" by John Mayer -
I HAD to have a John Mayer song in the mix. This song is just so beautiful. Who hasn't been here at one point in their life? Love it. "You try to hit me just to hurt me So you leave me feeling dirty."
12. "Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" by Leanne Rimes
-wow this one is a HUGE tearjerker. This is how I would feel if I ever lost the one I love. The melody sets the perfect tone of this heart wrencher. "Everybody thinks I've lost my mind. But I just take it day by day."
Okay, now that I am a weepy depressed mess, I am off. Plus, it is 10 til WEEKEND. I hope these songs touch you as much as they have me, for whatever reason that may be.
HIGHS: St. Jude's benefit tomorrow night. Making slow progress on wedding planning. Knowing I have the one person I trust who will never make me feel heartbroken.
LOWS: Allergies. Don't fit into most of my summer clothes from last year. Possible rain tomorrow.
A song touches me more than words can describe (oh, irony)... it can bring me to tears, it can lift me when nothing else can, it can make me want to run as hard and as far as I can, and it can put me into complete relaxation mode. What is there not to love about music?
I have been reading Entertainment Weekly's blog on the "Most Heartbreaking Songs." Here are some of my faves and a little explaination as to why (in random order)... note, that everyone has their own song meanings. It's funny to me that you can think a song is about the love of your life, and the artist is really writing about their pet fish. This is why I love music and all of its interpretations. I will end each song with one of my fave lines in the song.
1. "Brick" by Ben Folds Five
-which I read somewhere being about a girlfriend who has an abortion. Thank God that this song is not something that I can relate to. It's really sad bc the song writer is trying so hard to understand his girl who is going through her own depression and battle of losing a part of her. "Cant you see Its not me youre dying for."
2. "Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Rait
- this is not only an obvious but a very popular 'heartbreak' song. A song about being with someone who does not love you. "You cant make your heart feel something it wont."
3. "Warning Sign" by Coldplay
-realizing you left someone who you want back. "she was an island and I passed you by,You were an island to discover."
4. "I Can't Tell You Why" by the Eagles
-I suppose this can either be about a couple who have seemed to come to a point in their relationship where they can't get along... or the fact that their relationship is tearing apart and for some reason unknown they cannot just walk away from each other. This song gets to me bc sometimes you fight with the one you love and you don't know why you make things harder. "Look at us baby, up all night Tearing our love apart."
Okay, so apparently The Fray knows all ab the definition of heartbreak. I have a few faves of theirs.
5. "Vienna" by The Fray
-The melody is just so breathtaking. It truly makes you feel the way the writer's emotions. There aren't many words to the lyrics but you get the point. "There's really no way to reach me"
6. "Litte House" by The Fray
-This song brings tears to my eyes every time. It's haunting lyrics describe what it's like to feel the darkness and be alone. One of the most scary things to feel in life and it hits home to the fact that it was a place I once was at in my life. I'm a different person today. "Something is scratching it's way out; Something you want to forget about."
7. "Unsaid" by The Fray
-Ultimate mutual break up song! "And we are leaving some things unsaid; And we are breathing deeper instead."
8. "Oceans Away" by The Fray
-clearly they have many AMAZING songs... this is the last one I will quote: "Honestly I thought that we could make it all the way, Barefoot on beaches dancing against the gray. But stone by stone the castle crumbled to the ground, I stood and stared as you started to fall into the waves. " Beautiful.
9. "The Best I've Ever Had" by Gary Allen
-Gawd I about want to bawl everytime I hear this song. This song was for his wife who committed suicide. Just knowing that and knowing the lyrics makes me cry for him. "And I might find in time that you were always right."
10. "Until I Fall Away" by Gin Blossoms
-There are many interpretations I've gotten from this song... To me, this person is trying to find themselves. They "forgot" that they were lost and when they were once again reminded of the fact, they are telling the one they love to put their love on hold until some revelation occurs... whether they figure it out or simply fall away.. "I don't know all the answers I think that I'll findOr have it within the time ."
11. "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room" by John Mayer -
I HAD to have a John Mayer song in the mix. This song is just so beautiful. Who hasn't been here at one point in their life? Love it. "You try to hit me just to hurt me So you leave me feeling dirty."
12. "Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" by Leanne Rimes
-wow this one is a HUGE tearjerker. This is how I would feel if I ever lost the one I love. The melody sets the perfect tone of this heart wrencher. "Everybody thinks I've lost my mind. But I just take it day by day."
Okay, now that I am a weepy depressed mess, I am off. Plus, it is 10 til WEEKEND. I hope these songs touch you as much as they have me, for whatever reason that may be.
HIGHS: St. Jude's benefit tomorrow night. Making slow progress on wedding planning. Knowing I have the one person I trust who will never make me feel heartbroken.
LOWS: Allergies. Don't fit into most of my summer clothes from last year. Possible rain tomorrow.
As We Walk in Fields of Gold
I have not written a "regular" blog in a while. I'm not sure whether it's due to laziness or incompetence. I find that it is very difficult to put my thoughts into writing for some reason. It couldn't be writer's block bc it is a blog. Anything goes. Yet, I can't illustrate how I feel the way I want it to sound. I haven't always been good at transitioning from one topic to another. I'm not a great writer by any means. I can spell for the most part, but writing is another issue. Not much is going on right now. This summer and fall have a lot in store for me. I bought my ticket to Portland for Christianne's Bach party in July... and it costed me all of $300! I'm stoked to celebrate the last single days of my best friend's life. It's really crazy that we are getting married within a month of each other. Hectic, yes - but it makes it kinda special. We both know what we're going through and have each other to bitch to. Portland is going to be amazing for so many reasons. I will have a couple days by myself to explore the area while Ashley is at school. I am planning on making a list of things to do while in Portland. If you have any suggestions please share.I also have mine and Chris's tickets for the actual wedding in Denver, which I am obviously extremely excited for.
(Here I go with the switching of topics) I have been really down for the past... well, I don't even know how far it goes back. I attribute a lot of it to being female and moody. But I feel I have failed my dreams. I know, I am only 24 and 11 months old. I've told this tale many times. The one of my dreams growing up was to be a highly successful business woman and not get married or fall in love or yadda yadda. Well I would not give up Chris for anything in the world. Except, with the SEVERALLL jobs I've held since I graduated over 3 years ago, I have not even come close to a career or dream job. As my friend Bananas told me, you can't have it all. But I want it all. I have the relationship that most girls dream of. I am very tired of being judged. I had a friend ask me if I will regret being married. Hellll no. The regrets most people have are only those things they didn't do. I put my faith into Chris and have handed him my heart to take care of. It's not something I will ever be able to take back nor would I want it back. Just bc I battle with my insecurities and have a desire to withhold a career that I cannot obtain currently does not mean that I don't want to get married. It really got to me when she said that. I thought, OMG, I don't want people to think that, ever. ANYWAY, to get back to where I was going (see, I'm doing it again), despite my unhappiness of finding the right career path, I have been SO lucky to have had the jobs I have. Every boss I had has been an amazing addition to my life. My first bosses in the mortgage business are still my friends today. Although I had bumps, they had faith in me and helped me learn a business I knew nothing about. My last boss gave me great opportunities and was even there for our engagement. I think of her more as an older sister (not that much older, no worries, haha) than I do an old boss. My current boss... well, is quite annoying and obnoxious at times. But has a really great heart. He's always so helpful and even watched our hellions of dogs for us for a weekend. He is very encouraging and always telling me that I am doing good (even though I think what I do is easy as cake). And to follow up on the beginning topic of this blog, he bought Chris and I's tickets to Denver. I was looking up ticket prices online and he told me that he had 400,000 sky miles!! He is a single guy who really doesn't have anywhere he wants to go anytime soon and needs to use those miles. For both CHris and I, it costed him 60k miles. But STILLL, that has saved us $500. And we need that money. Especially since we have our wedding this year AND I am getting a tooth implant for $3k. Which would have been more expensive had I not known another very kind soul. Dr. Thom, whom I just met a few months ago has been so genergous to give me a great discount on my oral surgery. It saved me a ton of money and was something that I could not avoid. It touches me more than I can explain to have these people in my life. I hope that one day I can return the warmth.What I've learned: Times are tough. But there are amazing people out there that have helped me get by. Thank you, mentors.
HIGHS: having amazing beautiful ppl with big hearts in my life! learning to sail this summer. getting semi perm eyelashes! pooltime tomorrow.
LOWS: falling back on working out. what seems to be worst allergies EVER. being stuck inside with spiders lurking in dark spaces.
(Here I go with the switching of topics) I have been really down for the past... well, I don't even know how far it goes back. I attribute a lot of it to being female and moody. But I feel I have failed my dreams. I know, I am only 24 and 11 months old. I've told this tale many times. The one of my dreams growing up was to be a highly successful business woman and not get married or fall in love or yadda yadda. Well I would not give up Chris for anything in the world. Except, with the SEVERALLL jobs I've held since I graduated over 3 years ago, I have not even come close to a career or dream job. As my friend Bananas told me, you can't have it all. But I want it all. I have the relationship that most girls dream of. I am very tired of being judged. I had a friend ask me if I will regret being married. Hellll no. The regrets most people have are only those things they didn't do. I put my faith into Chris and have handed him my heart to take care of. It's not something I will ever be able to take back nor would I want it back. Just bc I battle with my insecurities and have a desire to withhold a career that I cannot obtain currently does not mean that I don't want to get married. It really got to me when she said that. I thought, OMG, I don't want people to think that, ever. ANYWAY, to get back to where I was going (see, I'm doing it again), despite my unhappiness of finding the right career path, I have been SO lucky to have had the jobs I have. Every boss I had has been an amazing addition to my life. My first bosses in the mortgage business are still my friends today. Although I had bumps, they had faith in me and helped me learn a business I knew nothing about. My last boss gave me great opportunities and was even there for our engagement. I think of her more as an older sister (not that much older, no worries, haha) than I do an old boss. My current boss... well, is quite annoying and obnoxious at times. But has a really great heart. He's always so helpful and even watched our hellions of dogs for us for a weekend. He is very encouraging and always telling me that I am doing good (even though I think what I do is easy as cake). And to follow up on the beginning topic of this blog, he bought Chris and I's tickets to Denver. I was looking up ticket prices online and he told me that he had 400,000 sky miles!! He is a single guy who really doesn't have anywhere he wants to go anytime soon and needs to use those miles. For both CHris and I, it costed him 60k miles. But STILLL, that has saved us $500. And we need that money. Especially since we have our wedding this year AND I am getting a tooth implant for $3k. Which would have been more expensive had I not known another very kind soul. Dr. Thom, whom I just met a few months ago has been so genergous to give me a great discount on my oral surgery. It saved me a ton of money and was something that I could not avoid. It touches me more than I can explain to have these people in my life. I hope that one day I can return the warmth.What I've learned: Times are tough. But there are amazing people out there that have helped me get by. Thank you, mentors.
HIGHS: having amazing beautiful ppl with big hearts in my life! learning to sail this summer. getting semi perm eyelashes! pooltime tomorrow.
LOWS: falling back on working out. what seems to be worst allergies EVER. being stuck inside with spiders lurking in dark spaces.
My Beauty 101
I've often thought about doing some type of website with beauty product reviews. There are a TON out there, but some of the reviews I've read in the past have been totally off. I realize that it depends on the type of skin, hair, and taste you have... I am constantly trying new products. I am the girl who has at least 4 different shampoos and conditioners to choose from and always have a least 4 different types of mascaras and 10 different lip glosses. I feel mediocre about a lot of things I've tried and used, but here is a list of things I absolutely swear by:
Note: I have really oily skin on my face. I do get dry patches around my eyebrows for some odd reason. The rest of my body is as dry as the Sahara. Thanks to my mom and her ancestors, wrinkles are very minimal. I do have a few tiny ones under my eyes and then across my forehead (from much arduous thinking). I have kept my acne under control due to birth control but do get them occassionally (like right now, ugh!). My hair may look thick and straight, but my genes have actually given me very thin hair (that is thinning everyday!!) that I have to straighten out with a blow dryer.
Skincare:
- Now, I use Beauticontrol products bc I used to sell the stuff. So, by default I have a ton of their product I am just trying to use and get rid of. I'm not in LOVE with the stuff, but I'm pretty happy with it. I've tried sooo many different skin care products and unfortunately have not fallen in love with anything just yet. The closest thing I found that I really liked was surprisingly Mary Kay. After I'm done with my stuff, I think I'll probably go back to that.
Face:
- Alot of make up artists will suggest a foundation primer. I've used a few here and there and have not been crazy about them. Perhaps bc of my skin... I think mostly bc the foundation I use never really needs anything else to help boost it.
- MAC Studio Fix Liquid Foundation - I have used this product the longest that I've ever used any other product. I absolutely love it. It does not clog my pores, and looks extremely natural, given the right color and right tools. I use a foundation brush or this really expensive brush I got suckered into buying at MAC. Now, I know MANY girls do not like to use liquid foundation. Bc it feels heavy, or they don't want to feel like theyre wearing a bunch of make up, or whatever. But it is the best for me. I wear it just about everyday and get compliments everywhere I go. It lasts all day long but is very easy to take off. During the summers, I use the very expensive brush which spreads it out very lightly but still gives me the look I desire from the product.
- I ALWAYS reccomend a bronzer. Even on days I don't wear much of anything else, I always make sure I have bronzer on. I use Clinique bc it has colors that are actually dark enough (but not heavy) to show on my skin and bc it is very reasonable in price. I have gone through 2 compacts so far and am looking to possibly try something else in the future.
- On special occassions I will wear concealer for under my eyes. I am happy with what I'm using now- liquid mineral powder concealer by Maybelline. It feels SO light on the skin... there's not that much coverage, but is okay for me as my dark circles are terribly dark.
Eyes:
- MAC Eyeshadows - All the reviews you hear and read about are true! The pigment is great and the range of colors is really vast. My faves are: Woodwinked (a frosty bronzy brown). Naked Lunch (a great highlighter). Ricepaper (a frosty ivory).
- MAC Pencil Eyeliner - These pencils give great pigment and last all day long. The color does not fade or easily wipe off... however all I use is face wash and water and it comes off easily. It's also got perfect consistency- not too hard or too soft. I love Stubborn Brown.
- Mascaras are the one thing I will spend loads of money on and buy tons of it. I've tried almost everything out there. There a few that I always go back to, but none that I absolutely have to have 24/7. I've suggested a few that I really like. My eyes and lashes are verry short, so therefore the huge brushes do not work well on me; but I've heard great things about Benefits Bad Gal and Christian Dior's Dior Show.
- Flirt's Far Out Lengthening Mascara - The brush is comb- like and really snags each lash to make them long. I really like it for length- it actually works!! But it can get quite clumpy. They are cheaper than Dept store brands but more expensive than drug store. You can find them online or at any Kohls store.
- L'Oreal's Voluminizing Mascara - This is definitely my go -to if there is nothing else I want to try. It does what it needs to do and is pretty basic. It's always been a favorite of my mom's too.
- Rimmel's Extra Super Lash - Best kept secret!!! I was in Richmond visiting friends when I realized I forgot to bring my mascara (gasp!). I had JUST bought a new tube of Lancome and I didn't have much time nor did I have much money, so I ran into Target and bought the cheapest mascara I could find. Any mascara was better than no mascara. I used it, not thinking much about it... but it shockingly gave me amazing lashes! I couldn't believe it- It was about $2 and looks like really cheap mascara. I used that sucker til it was dry. 2 coats and I was set. Lesson learned: Do not judge something based on its packaging. Try it. It won't hurt your pocket to find out!
Lips:
- Alba's Organic Lip Balm - There aren't many things organic that I'm crazy about when it comes to cosmetics. But this stuff is so worth the extra dollar or so. It's not thick and does help moisturize. They have amazing smelling ones- the one I have currently is Passion Fruit Nectar. It's not waxy either. It's just right. Even Chris likes to use it- and there aren't many lip balms he'll use.
- I use a lot of MAC's Lipglass bc of the color range and Vicky's Secret lip glosses bc they are fun and tasty. I'm not crazy about them though, as you have to reapply them both often. They aren't too sticky, but I am looking for something else... I used to be obsessed with Philosophy's lip gloss that I will be trying again soon.
Hair:
- My favorite topic! I have a lot of favorites, but my best reccomendation is to always switch up products... your hair does indeed get used to products.
- Aveda's Shampure Shampoo - I freakin LOVE this stuff. My hair feels like new hair when I use this stuff. It's pretty pricey, but so worth it. I would really like to try the other products by Aveda but am having a hard time spending my money on anything else but thist stuff bc I love it so much.
- Biolage Volumizing Shampoo and Conditioner - This stuff smells so fresh and my hair feels good after a shower with this stuff. Not a miracle worker, but good stuff!
- Pantene Pro- V Moisture Balance - This product is fairly new. I just bought it the other day and I like it a lot. I actually am a fan of Pantene products anyway. They're stuff always smells so good and helps keep the sheen in my hair. I'll keep you posted on how I feel ab the new stuff as I use it.
- Redken's Butter Cream - This is a deep conditioner for your hair. My cousin turned me on to it and swears by it herself. My hair isn't too damaged but I like using this product every other week or so. I'm done for now. I will keep this page updated as I go along. Hope you find the love I have in the products I've mentioned! :)
Plan of Attack
166 days til I am married!
I need to lose at least 10 pounds. Instead of making a long list of things that are nearly impossible, I have come up with small steps to my success. If I can do these simple things, I can hopefully make a lifestyle change... even after the honeymoon. Here is my plan to execute:
1. Quick Stretches every morning.
2. Food Journal... ugh. I have been dreading this, but everywhere I seem to read about dieting, this is key.
3. Drink at least 2 full containers of water from my 32 oz. Nalgene bottle everyday.
4. Take the stairs.
5. Implement fiber into my diet everyday.
6. Gym/Running at least 3 times a week.
7. Green Tea at least 3 times a week.
8. Make a large batch of clear soup from scratch weekly for lunches.
9. Pre-bag veggies to take to work or eat as snack.
10. Pay attention to serving sizes!
Great E-Article: http://health.yahoo.com/weightloss-getstarted/tips-to-take-off-pounds/prevention--17517.html
Please feel free to make any suggestions that you know will help!
"It's more stressful to continue being fat than to stop overeating."
I need to lose at least 10 pounds. Instead of making a long list of things that are nearly impossible, I have come up with small steps to my success. If I can do these simple things, I can hopefully make a lifestyle change... even after the honeymoon. Here is my plan to execute:
1. Quick Stretches every morning.
2. Food Journal... ugh. I have been dreading this, but everywhere I seem to read about dieting, this is key.
3. Drink at least 2 full containers of water from my 32 oz. Nalgene bottle everyday.
4. Take the stairs.
5. Implement fiber into my diet everyday.
6. Gym/Running at least 3 times a week.
7. Green Tea at least 3 times a week.
8. Make a large batch of clear soup from scratch weekly for lunches.
9. Pre-bag veggies to take to work or eat as snack.
10. Pay attention to serving sizes!
Great E-Article: http://health.yahoo.com/weightloss-getstarted/tips-to-take-off-pounds/prevention--17517.html
Please feel free to make any suggestions that you know will help!
"It's more stressful to continue being fat than to stop overeating."
Head Case
I'm very giddy about blogging today. I've been wanting to for the past couple of days but have not had the time to. I've got a few things on my mind...
First: The [head] Case of an Anxious Crazy Person.
So 2 nights ago I dreamt of my soon to be wedding. Everything was dark. Dark clouds, dark rain, dark ground... it was POURING. And not just raining, but- call Noah to make an Ark- POURING. I remembered feeling saddened but pushed on to the wedding. The next thing I remember is everything being RUSHED and not having ANYTHING done. And those who know me know that the thing I hate most is to be rushed or the feeling of being rushed! The decorations weren't done. I didn't know what I wanted to say in my vows. I didn't even have time to do my make up or hair right. And of all things, I was also worried that my dad forgot to allow alcohol to be provided. It was as if I were being made to get married tomorrow. It was a disaster. And then I woke up.Now, I have to say first of all, I am not one to interpret dreams. INfact, I think it's one of the most silly things in the world. Because to me, you dream of things that are pretty obvious... things that you are worried about, things that you see or things that occur in your life. This is one of the very few things in my life I over analyze. And I don't know what this says about me, but I tend to have mostly (like, 99%) bad dreams. And I have come to terms with the fact that I am a very worrisome and anxious person. However, with the dream that I just described, the action of having the dream has made me become a more anxious person about my wedding. No, this isn't me having cold feet. I am kinda really very sick of people asking me if this is really what I want or if I am having second thoughts... bc no, ppl I'm not. I wouldn't be nearly as stressed out if I didn't want to get married. Bc I wouldn't care. But I care. A lot. I want this to be perfect. I never thought or wanted this day to come and it is. And now I want it to exceed the (day)dreams I have concocted within the last year. Yes, I realize bridezilla has come into effect.
Second: Ladies: Don't Have a "Type" and If You Do, Get Rid of It
Now, I am one of the first people to admit I don't know everything about relationships. But I am learning. And this is a very interesting process for me... I studied it in school, did my senior seminar on it, and had plans on being a relationship counselor. Well, with my own misunderstandings in relationships have led me to decide to take another course. However, relationships still fascinate me and I love analyzing why and how.
With that said, I had a conversation with a girlfriend a while ago, "Strawberry". We both have found our person who we want to be with for the rest of our lives. Strawberry and I reflected back on our lives and realized the relationships we left behind were extremely different than the ones we are in now.
I used to think: find what you want in a mate. Pick and choose which traits you want the most and go for that.
Now I know: go out and be with the person who is all wrong for you. the person who likes what you hate. the person who everyone would be shocked to see you with. the person who reminds you nothing of the person you were previously with. the person who reminds you of yourself. the person who reminds you nothing of yourself.
I look back and can clearly see major differences between those I've dated. And now that I have found the one I want, I can clearly see why they are all my past.I recently had a conversation with another friend of mine, Banana. Another very savvy friend who has been smart in their dating habits for the spectrum of her types. We discussed the kind of person who ONLY seeks to date one type of guy. The one type I see often is the asshole. Now, I am pretty extreme in my views on the typical guy and can say that almost every guy has their asshole moment- just as any girl has her bitch moment. But these guys are the epitome of the word. They act tough, talk tough, walk tough, and actually believe they are God's gift. Anyway, we're talking ab the girl, not the guy. This girl loves to be treated badly. Ok, so that was a stretch. They like the arrogant, standardly "attractive" obonoxious guy. It doesn't really matter if they are stupid or smart, or anything else for that matter. It's frustrating mostly for me as a friend of this type of girl. Because you know what? She is amazing. She's beautiful, smart (for the most part), funny, enjoyable to be around, and deserving of someone who is at least half as amazing as she is. I hope if you are one of those girls, you realize this and expand your "type" of guy.Okay, it is the end of the day and I have written enough. I'll get to the 3rd topic I wanted to share next time. Until then...
HIGHS: having inspiration (aka friends) for blog topics. "window shopping." getting excited for the weekend. american idol tonight.
LOWS: no greys this week. not enough money for all the things i want in life! having to remember every single job, home, friend, experience in my life for the past 7 years to get security clearance. ugh! who remembers these things??
First: The [head] Case of an Anxious Crazy Person.
So 2 nights ago I dreamt of my soon to be wedding. Everything was dark. Dark clouds, dark rain, dark ground... it was POURING. And not just raining, but- call Noah to make an Ark- POURING. I remembered feeling saddened but pushed on to the wedding. The next thing I remember is everything being RUSHED and not having ANYTHING done. And those who know me know that the thing I hate most is to be rushed or the feeling of being rushed! The decorations weren't done. I didn't know what I wanted to say in my vows. I didn't even have time to do my make up or hair right. And of all things, I was also worried that my dad forgot to allow alcohol to be provided. It was as if I were being made to get married tomorrow. It was a disaster. And then I woke up.Now, I have to say first of all, I am not one to interpret dreams. INfact, I think it's one of the most silly things in the world. Because to me, you dream of things that are pretty obvious... things that you are worried about, things that you see or things that occur in your life. This is one of the very few things in my life I over analyze. And I don't know what this says about me, but I tend to have mostly (like, 99%) bad dreams. And I have come to terms with the fact that I am a very worrisome and anxious person. However, with the dream that I just described, the action of having the dream has made me become a more anxious person about my wedding. No, this isn't me having cold feet. I am kinda really very sick of people asking me if this is really what I want or if I am having second thoughts... bc no, ppl I'm not. I wouldn't be nearly as stressed out if I didn't want to get married. Bc I wouldn't care. But I care. A lot. I want this to be perfect. I never thought or wanted this day to come and it is. And now I want it to exceed the (day)dreams I have concocted within the last year. Yes, I realize bridezilla has come into effect.
Second: Ladies: Don't Have a "Type" and If You Do, Get Rid of It
Now, I am one of the first people to admit I don't know everything about relationships. But I am learning. And this is a very interesting process for me... I studied it in school, did my senior seminar on it, and had plans on being a relationship counselor. Well, with my own misunderstandings in relationships have led me to decide to take another course. However, relationships still fascinate me and I love analyzing why and how.
With that said, I had a conversation with a girlfriend a while ago, "Strawberry". We both have found our person who we want to be with for the rest of our lives. Strawberry and I reflected back on our lives and realized the relationships we left behind were extremely different than the ones we are in now.
I used to think: find what you want in a mate. Pick and choose which traits you want the most and go for that.
Now I know: go out and be with the person who is all wrong for you. the person who likes what you hate. the person who everyone would be shocked to see you with. the person who reminds you nothing of the person you were previously with. the person who reminds you of yourself. the person who reminds you nothing of yourself.
I look back and can clearly see major differences between those I've dated. And now that I have found the one I want, I can clearly see why they are all my past.I recently had a conversation with another friend of mine, Banana. Another very savvy friend who has been smart in their dating habits for the spectrum of her types. We discussed the kind of person who ONLY seeks to date one type of guy. The one type I see often is the asshole. Now, I am pretty extreme in my views on the typical guy and can say that almost every guy has their asshole moment- just as any girl has her bitch moment. But these guys are the epitome of the word. They act tough, talk tough, walk tough, and actually believe they are God's gift. Anyway, we're talking ab the girl, not the guy. This girl loves to be treated badly. Ok, so that was a stretch. They like the arrogant, standardly "attractive" obonoxious guy. It doesn't really matter if they are stupid or smart, or anything else for that matter. It's frustrating mostly for me as a friend of this type of girl. Because you know what? She is amazing. She's beautiful, smart (for the most part), funny, enjoyable to be around, and deserving of someone who is at least half as amazing as she is. I hope if you are one of those girls, you realize this and expand your "type" of guy.Okay, it is the end of the day and I have written enough. I'll get to the 3rd topic I wanted to share next time. Until then...
HIGHS: having inspiration (aka friends) for blog topics. "window shopping." getting excited for the weekend. american idol tonight.
LOWS: no greys this week. not enough money for all the things i want in life! having to remember every single job, home, friend, experience in my life for the past 7 years to get security clearance. ugh! who remembers these things??
My Experiences
1) Got Baptized.
2) Moved around 7 times in my childhood and made friends across the country.
3) Watched the Northern Lights
4) Ate shoofly pie in the heart of the Amish country.
5) Shopped fresh markets in Korea.
6) Came face to face with a brown bear…. And survived.
7) Made a speech at graduation in front of 500+ people.
8) Spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with my best friends and had my first taste of freedom.
9) Got pierced where Britney Spears got pierced.
10) Got tattooed.
11) Went to college across the country away from all my family and friends. Alone.
12) Flew an ultra light plane over the mountains and lakes of Alaska, despite my fear of flying. 13) Founded and joined a sorority.
14) Spring Breaked and drove to Miami.
15) Walked the San Francisco Pier.
16) Graduated college in 3.5 years.
17) Cruised the Caribbean.
18) Fell into darkness and found the light.
19) Let go and fell in love.
20) Tasted cheese curds in Wisconsin.
21) Hawaii girls reunion in Vegas.
22) Hiked 24 miles in the Grand Canyons.
23) Spontaneously went to OBX without an agenda with Chris and met and drank with the locals.
24) Got engaged in Mexico.
25) Grew wiser.
26) Made everlasting friendships.
2) Moved around 7 times in my childhood and made friends across the country.
3) Watched the Northern Lights
4) Ate shoofly pie in the heart of the Amish country.
5) Shopped fresh markets in Korea.
6) Came face to face with a brown bear…. And survived.
7) Made a speech at graduation in front of 500+ people.
8) Spent 3 weeks in Hawaii with my best friends and had my first taste of freedom.
9) Got pierced where Britney Spears got pierced.
10) Got tattooed.
11) Went to college across the country away from all my family and friends. Alone.
12) Flew an ultra light plane over the mountains and lakes of Alaska, despite my fear of flying. 13) Founded and joined a sorority.
14) Spring Breaked and drove to Miami.
15) Walked the San Francisco Pier.
16) Graduated college in 3.5 years.
17) Cruised the Caribbean.
18) Fell into darkness and found the light.
19) Let go and fell in love.
20) Tasted cheese curds in Wisconsin.
21) Hawaii girls reunion in Vegas.
22) Hiked 24 miles in the Grand Canyons.
23) Spontaneously went to OBX without an agenda with Chris and met and drank with the locals.
24) Got engaged in Mexico.
25) Grew wiser.
26) Made everlasting friendships.
30 Things Before 30
1) Commit to blogging
2) Take up boxing
3) Dance in the rain
4) Run a half marathon
5) Attend an NFL game
6) Salsa Lessons
7) Christmastime in NYC
8) Kiss my love on a ferris wheel
9) Plan our dream home
10) Join a church
11) Improve on my Korean
12) Buy my mom something she doesn’t need but definitely deserves
13) Give blood (big fear of mine)
14) Cut my hair short (not bob short)
15) Karaoke in Korea with my mom
16) Educate myself about religions to better understand my faith
17) Tattoo on wrist
18) Write a book
19) Move to another state
20) Explore Europe
21) Black Diamond
22) Find a career I’m passionate about
23) Try to be maternal
24) Learn how to sew
25) Scrapbook
26) Splurge on really nice heels
27) Taste what real Thai hot is like in Thailand
28) Feel genuinely confident in my skin
29) Stop spending so much time worrying
30) Rid of current credit card debt
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
2) Take up boxing
3) Dance in the rain
4) Run a half marathon
5) Attend an NFL game
6) Salsa Lessons
7) Christmastime in NYC
8) Kiss my love on a ferris wheel
9) Plan our dream home
10) Join a church
11) Improve on my Korean
12) Buy my mom something she doesn’t need but definitely deserves
13) Give blood (big fear of mine)
14) Cut my hair short (not bob short)
15) Karaoke in Korea with my mom
16) Educate myself about religions to better understand my faith
17) Tattoo on wrist
18) Write a book
19) Move to another state
20) Explore Europe
21) Black Diamond
22) Find a career I’m passionate about
23) Try to be maternal
24) Learn how to sew
25) Scrapbook
26) Splurge on really nice heels
27) Taste what real Thai hot is like in Thailand
28) Feel genuinely confident in my skin
29) Stop spending so much time worrying
30) Rid of current credit card debt
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined."
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